New Characters and Little Blue Lines

First - I've named some new characters:
Dr. Sparrow - my reproductive endocrinologist
Joy - his medical assistant

The first step in doing one IUI cycle for us is to monitor this month's ovulation. I've been monitoring my ovulation cycle for seven months using a ridiculously expensive (yet pretty darn accurate) fertility monitor.  Unfortunately, Dr. Sparrow prefers to have his patients use Clearblue Easy Ovulation Predictor Kits.  I was given instructions to use the first test on day 10 of my cycle, and today is day 10.

Most of the kits tell you to use the test first thing in the morning.  However, Dr. Sparrow prefers his patients to use the tests on the second trip to the powder room of the morning (can everyone tell I'm trying to be as delicate as possible about this? Is it actually making it worse?!)  Dr. Sparrow's method means that I actually have to take a test to work with me and try to take it in the bathroom with no one noticing.

So, at about 10:00 this morning, I used the trick one of my high school friends taught me for sneaking to the bathroom with a tampon - pay attention all you riveted teenagers - I slipped the test stick up my sleeve and held it in place by just holding the sleeve next to my wrist with my fingertips and then casually sauntered to the restroom.

After doing what I had to do to take the test, I looked at the results window.  I was supposed to be able to see at least a control line to show me the test was working. And then, there was supposed to be another line and if it was lighter than the control line I was not ovulating. If it was darker, I was ovulating.  It wasn't there.  No line. No control line.  Blank.
So I waited.  I waited for several minutes.  Blank.  Maybe a little smudge of blue, but really no line at all. Then, horror of horrors, one of my co-workers walked into the bathroom.

I was standing in the stall doing nothing at all and was certain my co-worker was going to notice. I don't know why that matters, but it does. It also matters that I had no desire to be caught with an ovulation predictor kit test stick at work. So as soon as she closed the door to her stall, I grabbed the stick and zoomed out to the sink to wash my hands. I tossed a paper towel on the counter, then the stick, and then another paper towel on top to cover it up (because *that* won't look suspicious).  The girl apparently really didn't need to go to the bathroom at all, because before I could even finish washing my hands at hyper-speed, she was out and fixing her hair at the mirror - with my stick sitting on the counter between us covered up by a measly paper towel. We did the obligatory greetings and I carefully watched for her to have a convenient difficult-hair-adjustment moment. She finally started working on putting a clip in to pull her hair up and I quietly slid the paper-towel-and-stick package off of the counter while she focused on shoving a bunch of hair in the clip.  I then found myself walking down the hall back to my office with this strange package in my hand.

Once back at my desk, I peered at the stick again. Nothing. A blue smear in one corner.  I tossed the stick in a desk drawer and decided to just focus on work for a while.  About an hour later, I looked again - two lines. Both blurry. Was the left line darker than the right? Couldn't tell. Were they the same? Not sure. They were both kind of just smeared lines.

I called Joy.

Joy suggested that I go in and do an ultrasound. This sounded like a silly idea to me.  After all, we aren't expecting this cycle to work at all. Going in to do an ultrasound would set us back several hundred dollars in addition to the cost for the IUI itself.  I am not excited about spending $1,000 on a useless cycle.  I called Joy back and she agreed with me that the ultrasound wouldn't make sense.  Instead, she instructed me to try the stick test again tomorrow.

At work.

Total Costs Thus Far:
$29 - One box of Clearblue Easy Ovulation Predictor Kit Tests